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Magic-Bean-Buyer
Josie
If you are a dreamer, come in,
If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar,
A hope-er, a pray-er, a magic bean buyer ...
If you're a pretender, come sit by my fire
For we have some flax-golden tales to spin.
Come in!
Come in!

- Shel Silverstein, "Invitation"
Interests
In the past, I've expressed quite a few insecurities about myself. I've gone through a lot, including an eating disorder, depression and self harm, and a multitude of gynecological health problems that have fucked with my body and through that, my mind.

I'm still going through these things. There are days when I want to purge and cut. There are days when I do these things. I've heard eating disorders and self-harm described as addictions. They say you never really get over an addiction: you're always a "recovering addict." In that way, I will always be recovering from my addictions.

However, I've learned to cope with these problems. I have struggled, and I have won. I woke up this morning and stepped on the scale. It hadn't budged since last week, so I got back in bed and moped. About fifteen minutes later, I was up and at 'em, reminding myself that lifting weights four times a week and running between five and six times a week builds muscle.

More importantly, I reminded myself that I look fucking great. I'm not small and thin. I never will be small and thin. I'm nearly six feet tall, with broad shoulders and a stocky build reminiscent of a viking. But I look fucking great. I'm strong, healthy, with an awesome waist to hip ratio. I have cellulite, but my boyfriend doesn't even know what that is. When I tried to explain it to him, he said, "There's nothing wrong with your skin. I think cellulite is a made up condition." I don't really care how my body compares with those of other women. My body is mine, and I love it, despite the scars I've given it over the years, the stretchmarks that appeared during the growth spurt that was essentially my entire childhood, and the occasional freckle or pimple that will appear.

This type of thing is usually written by somebody twice my age. They don't come to this realization 'til their mid thirties. My mom still hasn't figured it out, and she's turning fifty-two this year. Why does it take so long for people to appreciate themselves? I can honestly say I've never met an ugly person. There are a few people I don't like for their personality, but everyone has something about them that makes them beautiful - physically. Why do we notice these gems in others, but focus on our own imperfections?

I started writing this as a declaration of pride. I am so happy that, at the age of seventeen, I'm able to honestly say I feel good about myself. I've learned how to overcome self doubt -self hatred - and I know that my life will be so much easier to deal with because of my inner peace. But the more I write, the more I realize that I'm incredibly lucky. I hope that in the future, my kids won't have so much pressure put on them to look a certain way. I dream of a future where everyone is appreciated for both their physical beauty, and their mental strengths that make each of us a unique and valuable individual.
  • Mood: Content
  • Reading: fitandfeminist.wordpress.com - very inspiring!!!

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:iconandipics:
andipics Featured By Owner May 14, 2014
hi josie thanks for faving my  sunrise pic the other day .read your journal, great to see your feeling on top of things,depression is such a bummer.been there a bit myself of late, not  really bad depression just not able to anticipate the pleasure you get from creativity,work, and doing things for others. sort of anhedonia i suppose.i find myself sitting arround doing nothing , and hate myself for it,even though, now im pretty much retired, i have plenty of time and no excuses.i know the  the cure is just making myself do things  but boy at times its hard to find the enthusiasm.  anyway sorry to dump on you, but your journal inspired me a bit so im  going to post another sunrise shot i took this morning . dont know if your a horsey type but this ones for you   hang in there mate enjoy your youth and remember--- THE SUN ALLWAYS RISES
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:iconmagic-bean-buyer:
Magic-Bean-Buyer Featured By Owner May 28, 2014
Hey there! I've left your comment for a while because I just didn't know what to say... I am so touched that I was able to inspire you with a rambly journal that I posted over a year ago... I myself have been having a difficult time lately; college was a lot harder than I'd expected and some latent anxiety issues rose to the surface. Reading your comment made me feel so wonderful. I had originally planned on saying so much more but all I really have to say is thank you so much for your kind words and I'm happy to have inspired you to take such a lovely photo. I think it's one of the nicest presents I've ever received... Thank you :)
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:iconartbycher:
ArtByCher Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2014   Traditional Artist
Thank you for the fav, Josie. Great to see you! :D
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:iconmagic-bean-buyer:
Magic-Bean-Buyer Featured By Owner May 28, 2014
Good to see you too, as always :)
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:iconlittlejuliet:
littlejuliet Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
yay thanks for the fave! :D
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:iconcr11sco:
CR11Sco Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2013  Student General Artist
there should be a thiiiing for you coming in sometime soon!! c:
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:iconmagic-bean-buyer:
Magic-Bean-Buyer Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2013
I got it on Monday! But the next day I left for a visit to texas so I won't get to write for a few days... I got lots of updates but I'll keep them a surprise until my letter :)
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:iconcr11sco:
CR11Sco Featured By Owner Jun 7, 2013  Student General Artist
yaaay! I'm just glad you got it!! whoa phew I'm glad it was in time! hope you enjoy the trip, I'm so ready to go to Texas in spring! Excited for said updates :)
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:iconmagic-bean-buyer:
Magic-Bean-Buyer Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2013
Wrote your letter yesterday :) It's a loooong one, my hand hurt afterwards!
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(1 Reply)
:iconfishesonlands:
Fishesonlands Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2013  Hobbyist
WEEE Thanks fer da watchhh!
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